I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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