There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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