In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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