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yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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