i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
