Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
