Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
