eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
