Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
