I'm so fucking centered right now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
