Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
