i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
