i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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