1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
