Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
