My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
