I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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