No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
