I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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