The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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