Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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