I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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