he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
