the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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