Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
