watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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