I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
