Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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