ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
