you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
