Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the condom got lost in my hair
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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