You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
