FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
