If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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