Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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