There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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