Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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