She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
