Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
