you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
