You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
