Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my being single is dangerous.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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