I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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