Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
