Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
