when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
