he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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