Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
