Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
