why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
