If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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