Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
