Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
