we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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