Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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