i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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