I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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